More tranny stories later!
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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