I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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