You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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