So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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