all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
