I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
