Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
