dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
