It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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