the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
