he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
