Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
