You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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