Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
