never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
