Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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