see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
