She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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