you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
