In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
