I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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