Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
