I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
