some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
