Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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