I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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