I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I didn't notice because vodka
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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