dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
