She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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