So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
