I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
