what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
