some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
