Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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