Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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