I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
