Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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