there's paper in my vomit.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He has the fingertips of a God
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