also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
