Even water is tasting like jack daniels
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
