If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
