what if every blade of grass was a penis?
vagina is talking i cant
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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