If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
