My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
