Apparently you make a good broom.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
