We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
