i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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