I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
