My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"