My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?