i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.