It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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