wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.