Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me