I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
