Dual....:-)
I smell stomach acid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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