oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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