I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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