yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
