Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE