So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
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There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.