seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house