you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"