You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
