I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO