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Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
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