Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
