i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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