also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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