Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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