I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
