bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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