So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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