Can Purell be used as lube?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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