you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
