You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish i was in the wii world.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
