I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
