its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
