I've blown a few things in my day
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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