Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
