Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
